Why does the baby like to crap on me?

Not actually on my skin or clothes but he likes to pooh whilst sitting with me. As does the toddler. Except he can use a potty now. But he waits until his Mum goes out or just isn’t at hand. Then he craps. And I am obliged to wipe his bum and deal with the do-do. Please understand I don’t mind doing it but why do they favour me? Maybe their Mum has an inclination when they are about to do a number 2 then she scarpers.

Talking of all that pooh. Why did they call the bear Winnie-the-Pooh? Is it because bears are renowned for having shit stuck to their fur? Why not Winnie-the-Turd, Winnie-the-Shit or even Winnie-the-Piss, Pooh and Puke.

Baby puke is actually very resilient stuff. It sticks to clothes like glue. As I wonder around the local store (Lidl) I ignore the looks directed to my right shoulder. Do you think he has a parrot? Maybe, but it’s a big parrot to cause all that mess! Dirty man, do you think he washes?

Hence for me stocking up on washing powder is a must. And talking of which…